Falling through the Looking Glass











{July 1, 2014}   “For a White Girl”

I hear this phrase a lot at my current job. I am the only white girl in my shift, but I am far from the only white girl at our place of business and the women I am working with have a lot of interaction with other women of all colors.

But for some reason I keep getting the backhanded compliment of how smart I am for a white girl, how I have the curves of a black girl, how easy I am to get along with for a white girl…

Now don’t get me wrong, the women I work with are wonderful people who are genuinely sweet and the most amicable crew I have worked with for a long time. I am going to be sad to not see them everyday when I begin my new job next Monday. But this is something that seriously bothers me because these women are around my own age and our town and work is loaded with people of all colors, so it’s not like I am the only experience with white people they have.

I could go into this long spheel about why this is so and the history of segregation. But I don’t think I need to. I am not judging these women and I am very grateful to have their affection, friendship, and respect. I know they do not mean anything other than a sincere compliment towards me. 

My issue is trying to decide how to bring up my discomfort with some always calling me “the white girl” or “for a white girl” without giving the wrong idea. I am normally pretty good about choosing words, but when it comes to something as sensitive as race, it is very easy to accidentally eat your own foot instead of addressing a problem.

To be fair, self segregation is a huge problem where I live here in the south. I hate it. We have an ugly history that will take more than a few generations to retrain and repair from. I don’t blame these women for having little to no white friends. And it could be that at our work being a good employee is so rare I am being accorded something as a part of my racial construct when it has more to do with my personal integrity. 

What I am annoyed with is that anytime I try to bring up these issues is as a white person, sometimes I am treated as if my opinion doesn’t matter or that I have no right to get my feelings hurt because of being “the white girl”. I don’t think that is fair, especially when that is completely against my intentions. 

I am an Irish American who grew up in poverty, became a single mother against my wishes, put myself through college, and continue to struggle with health issues on top of even more poverty. I have some experience in the very issues that many women of all colors have to deal with. I am not some crazy other who lived in an isolated bubble. The child starving in the projects has more in common with the child starving in the trailer park than they realize.

What I would like to see is more communication and freedom to question between people of various ethnic groups. No, I don’t know what it is to be black. But I do know what it is like to be working three jobs and still can’t make daycare. I know what it is like to deal with baby daddy drama and the pain of being abandoned. I know what it is like to deal with racism and being harassed and even beat up because I wouldn’t cater to the whims of idiots.

So no. I cannot and will not presume to understand what it is to be a minority woman who is also facing these challenges. I acknowledge that statistically, being white is supposed to give me certain social mobility and privileges, and maybe if I were in a better location I could take advantage of these statistics more. (I am not ashamed to say that after all I have survived and still not getting me anywhere I would gladly cash in any privilege check if I had the chance.) But I don’t have these magic chips to cash. I am the minority of white people. Because of certain aspects of who I am, such as being a single mother, society has decided I don’t have as many white cards to pay as say a richer, more connected woman that doesn’t have any children. The life I have and have survived to live mirrors closer to the minority women of my location than the other white women. 

I relate to these women better because we have more shared experiences. This is the important part. I would love it if we as a society could improve communications between ethnic groups so more people could see a fellow instead of an amicable other. Imagine what could be accomplished if the kid from the trailer park and the kid from the projects realized they understood each other better than they would think. I firmly believe that those that have the oppressive economic and cultural holds on our society want us to keep thinking we are so alien and incomprehensible to each other, that “it’s a black thing, you wouldn’t get it” or “it’s a white problem” is actually true, and that we are incapable of working together to fight back.

I am not a black woman. I am simply an understanding cheerleader who wishes to throw her support and enthusiasm behind positive and progressive minority leadership. But for this to happen more effectively, all I ask is to be seen first as Gabrael.



{November 17, 2012}   Awesome Gifts =/= Awesome Prices!

I know this is sort of a cheesy phrase, but it is true. If there is one thing I have been consistently known for in my years of life is that I give awesome gifts. I have also spent my years dirt poor. So not only have I been able to make people go “Wow!” or even cry with my presents, I do so for often less than a dollar a gift. Here is how I do it:

1) Make a list. 

First, put everyone that you have to buy a gift for, spouses/partners, parents, siblings, children, best friends, or grandparents. Chances are anyone on this list should either share DNA with you or be so close that they might as well. Then make a list of everyone that you would like to give a gift to if it becomes available like teachers, co-workers, distant relatives, and other friends. That way you have a track record, this will come in handy in the next step.

2) Buy gifts throughout the year, not just the month before the event.

My son’s birthday is December 5th. If I wait until November to get my shopping done, I have backed myself into corner with sales and it’s just a big financial burden all at once. So I shop throughout the year as things that come on sale or become available.

For example, I like shopping at thrift stores and flea markets. If I find something really nifty or if something that I can alter is there really cheap, I grab it and stick it back in a closet for later. I have found plenty of hardback, first editions for my father that way. Or nice crystal glasses for fifty cents each that I can fill with candy and give to an aunt or my son’s teacher. Sales at big box stores are great too. I found some Lego sets really well priced in July at the end of the toy season. I grabbed a couple then at prices that I know I couldn’t go back in October and expect to have.

Clarence racks at any business are your friend. Every stock is seasonal and I am willing to bet that you can find something for anyone in these little sections. And don’t worry about if you buy a gift you know for sure is perfect for a certain person then find something even more suited for them later. Grab it. You’ve saved enough money on the first gift that you can afford the second and that just means you can pass that first gift onto someone on that secondary list. Nothing is lost in spending only dollars or cents a piece on a gift.

Another option is to buy in sets and then break the set up. For example, at Walmart I found a three pack of earrings, very nice ones, for only a dollar. Well, I snatched that sucker up because now I have three different pairs of earrings that all I need to do is package separate and now I have three different gifts.

3) Set a budget per gift, not overall.

I refuse to spend more than $10 a gift unless it is something that is not only assured to make the person happy or the discount is just that significant. I will also not spend more than a certain amount depending on what the actual gift is. And this is all based on your area, what’s around you and your budget. But if you freak out and say you only have $200 for gifts, it’s easy to blow that all at once and not get the better deals. If you are shopping gradually throughout the year and only spending increments at a time, then you will find that you’ll probably be under what overall budget you were hoping for with having more gift stockpiled with far less stress.

You can have an emergency expense that wipes out your emergency budget. But if you’re buying throughout the year at only dollars a gift tops, it’s much easier to recoup from a loss and you already have things stuck back should you not be able to get anything later.

4) Base gifts on what the person wants or needs, Not what YOU want or need for them.

This is a problem people do unintentionally. But the way I see it is if you care enough to give a gift, you should care enough to at least invest some time into figuring out what it is they can actually use or would like. And that doesn’t mean that you have to like that gift. It’s not about you it’s about them. I have seen this as a big problem from parents and partners doing this to their children and partners, respectively. If what they want is offensive or something you won’t allow, by all means don’t get it. But if it’s just a matter of conflicting tastes, it’s rather tacky to impress your wishes on them in a situation where it’s supposed to be about them.

And now my list of possible suggestions:

Food!

Whether in a gift bag or just outright, food is always good for either gender and all ages. How you package it depends on who you are giving it to.

A primary gift would probably entail a laundry basket filled with nonperishable foods  For my college aged brother’s birthday, I used a football Easter basket I bought for a dollar after the season and loaded it with his favorite sunflower seeds, peanuts, chili, and cornbread mix.

A secondary gift could be just a cute saucer or glass from a dollar or thrift store that is filled with cookies or candy then wrapped nice. For my son’s teachers I bought little saucers for fifty cents each and will put homemade cookies on them. For his after school teachers, who are college age, I bough different stemware glasses at twenty five cents each I’ll fill with colorful candies and will cover both in plastic wrap and tie with ribbons. This can be used for men as well, just get a beer stein or a heavier mug instead of a wine glass.

Personalized Items!

If it’s metal, it’s a potential present. I found some cheap metal compacts in the clearance rack of my local Hobby Lobby for just two dollars each. All I did was take them to my local engraver and for just seventy cents each had names engraved on the back of them. Instant class! For my guy friend, I got a men’s bracelet with five spaces and had his name and the name of his four sons engraved in each spot with their last initial in the middle.

Other items that are easy to find cheap and can be engraved: platters, cuff links, key chains, bracelets, glass either mirrors or cups, boxes, tie clips, hand mirrors, flasks, and even model cars or vases.

Feel free to look at nontraditional items. Talk to your local engraver and see what they are capable of doing and have fun with it!

Customize any cloth items like blankets, totes, backpacks, handkerchiefs, tshirts, scarves, hats, folding chairs, anything like that with either iron on patches or letters or if you cannot iron it look into the stick on patches or letters that don’t require an iron. Dying items with cheap fabric dye can help in making awesome presents. That white table cloth you got at a yard sale cheap only needs a $2 pack of dye to turn into a cool wall tapestry or curtains.

Necessities:

They may not be that fun, but every one needs socks, underwear, toilet paper, gas cards, or basic food items. One of the best stocking stuffers I ever got was a roll of duct tape. Yep, duct tape. Not only can I make anything out of duct tape, it’s just really handy to have around. Chapstick, bandaids, foot cream like Blue Goo, sticky notes, good pens, cooking tools, most of these items are very unisex.

One idea to make giving a needed item more fun is what I call the TP Bouquet. Take a roll of toilet paper, and use tape to cover the bottom hole while the roll is on it’s side. Fill it up with candy, straws, and goodies like a vase then tie a ribbon around the width of the actual role.

Homemade

Homemade treats are awesome, but homemade items are great too. Bead kits to make basic jewelry are cheap and a good way to make a whole lot of presents out of one basic kit. Homemade spice mixes, dry mixes, and jars are great for anyone. Basic crafts like ornaments, magnets, stationary, and pictures are super easy and very cost effective. Making collages or painting on mini canvases are fun and sentimental. Most of these items can be found easy at your local craft or big box store unfinished but ready to go.

One year I bought a six pack of nutcrackers from a store on sale for two dollars. I painted them up to correspond with my two grandfathers and four uncles. Both of my grandfathers were in different branches of the military, so I painted their pieces like their respective uniforms. For my uncles I just did their favorite colors except one that was painted like a hunter with a neon orange hat and camo body. For the ladies of the family I just painted ornaments individual to their tastes. For birthdays I often do little gift boxes or birdhouses.

Children!

Children are like kryptonite! No gift, no matter how silly, is voided if it comes with the touch of a child. If you don’t have children to assist in the gift items above, shanghai other people’s children. My sister stole my nephew in order to stamp his handprints on a card for me. It’s awesome! Framing or making a scrapbook of kid’s work for a parent or grandparent is sentimental and a treasure no one can replicate. Tracing silhouettes, hands, growth charts, or time capsules are great spoilings for presents. Even making video or an audio recording and giving that tape as a gift is nice. Most photo development places also can do cassette to cd or dvd burn.  Maybe pulling out those old family slides and having them converted to DVD will help. The munchkins can color a case for it!

Gift bags/bundles: Themes are your friend!

Automotive care items arranged in a bucket

A movie from the $5 bin at Walmart with candy, a bag of microwave popcorn in a bowl

Homemade cleaning supplies arranged in a bucket

Spices, basic cooking products, dishtowels arranged in a laundry basket

Roll kitchen utensils up in dishtowels tied off with ribbon

Bath products are okay so long as you know that the scent or whatever is going to be liked

Tackle box full of art supplies

Journal with pens and stationary in a filing box – don’t forget to include stamps!

Office supplies in a wastepaper basket

Pet gear like brushes, toys, food, or medication in a backpack

And don’t be afraid to use nontraditional storage situations. If it can hold something it can be used as wrapping: kitchen canisters, small trashcans, baskets, buckets, tins, bowls, purses, backpacks, wallets, hats turned upside down, tool boxes, bottles, jugs, and anything else you can think of would be fun and different!

Feel free to ask me for more specialized gifts for that hard to shop someone. I’ll be more than happy to bounce some probable items for you that will more than keep you in budget. Until then, happy hunting!

Shared with Your Green Resource, Frugally Sustainable



1) Don’t try to make them jealous.

Do not try to make it seem you are so better off without them. If you were better off without them, you wouldn’t be trying to get back with them.

 

2) Don’t beg.

Emotionally healthy people do not want supplicants, they want partners.This is not only personally demeaning, it’s not very impressive upon the former partner.

 

3) Don’t lie.

Seriously, they will find out. And it’s never healthy to try and rebuild a relationship on a falsehood.

 

4) Don’t tell them how much they missed out on.

Similar to number one, but at the same time it is condescending and hurtful in a very unique way. Don’t insult or disrespect people like this.

 

5) Don’t come without a game plan.

There is a reason why your relationship ended. Obviously something was not going the way it’s supposed to. So don’t come back unless you have productive and engaging ideas on how to not just rebuild the relationship, but surpassing it with something better. Why settle for something that obviously didn’t work before?

 

6) Don’t ask if they are seeing other people.

It’s none of your business. It’s not going to help anything. And it’s only a way to fish drama, not progress and rebuild into something new.

 

7) Don’t promise to change.

They probably won’t believe you. You probably don’t believe you. If you feel compelled to say this, you’re not really in a healthy recovery point yet.

 

8) Don’t try to bring up how the relationship was.

Something was done that started a breakup. Obviously while there must have been some positive things or else you wouldn’t want to reconnect with them, but there were also problems too. If you try to bring up something good, that leaves the door open to bring up the bad. Keep to your plan and work forward, not backward.

 

9) Don’t offer to fulfill past promises.

If it was a priority, then it should have been done then. Move on, move forward, It shouldn’t take loosing someone to try and work on something your should have done anyway.

 

10) Don’t resort to bribery.

Attempts to use offers or gifts to get someone back only trivializes your attempts to work on the relationship, unless the offer is for couple’s therapy or something like that. The former partner can’t help but judge the merit of the gift in comparison to how you value the relationship. This can also create false expectations for both of you.

 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!

 

11) Don’t forget that there are 7,000,000,000 people on this earth.

You will find someone else.

I promise.

Just don’t try and find that other person while trying to work things out with your ex. Just. Don’t.



{November 14, 2012}   Why you are still a single woman…

There are some significant differences in being a single man compared to being a single woman.  I don’t always understand women, even though I am one. But I do find women also have certain social habits that can be either a negative or a  positive in building healthy relationships.

1) You can’t change him. Don’t try.

This is very disrespectful. It’s very hurtful to have someone tell you they accepted everything about you but…  No one should change unless they feel compelled to change for themselves. And the best changes are the ones done for the individual. For example, if you want your partner to be more confident, unless they feel they should be more confident or express their confidence in a way that pleases them, then it will be harder for them to maintain their change. You should never expect anyone to change. It’s unfair and it’s cheating both of you.

2) Avoid double standards or accidental hypocrisy.

It’s not fair to be upset if your partner does something that annoys you when you do that action yourself. I know this is hard to accomplish, especially in emotional or mental matters. But it’s very difficult to engage with someone and ask things of them when you are not willing or capable of meeting those requests in yourself. Most of this is not done on purpose, but if you really want to help your partner understand your needs or work on their concerns, if you work on something they need, then you two can build something together that is more worthwhile and important.

3) COMMUNICATION!

This is very much in tune with the post I made for single men. If you haven’t explicitly told them, assume they don’t know. Are you making yourself clear? Do they understand what you mean by certain things? No hint dropping! Just talk. If you’re not sure if you’re going to come off right, just preface the discussion with how you’re still trying to figure out how to word your emotions and you would like their help working through it. Again, if you want the communication to have absolute security, then you have to be willing to accept what they say with the same compassion and empathy they are trying to accept yours.

5) Complaining how no one likes you makes no one like you.

Make a list of what you want in an ideal partner. Confidence? Sense of humor? Intelligence? Physique? Doesn’t really matter what qualities, but as long as they are multifaceted. Now, do you have these qualities in yourself?

If you embody the qualities you want in a partner, not only will it help you be a stronger individual, quality attracts quality. It gives you credibility and a good foundation in how you can and want to set your standards. It will also help you build your perspective to properly identify these qualities in potential partners and avoid more fraudulent personalities. In pursuing these qualities, you are more likely to be in more feasible situations and crowd to meet people more in tune with your goals.

If you think you are too fat, too poor, too stupid, too whatever for a relationship don’t cry in ice cream. Go do something for yourself. Attend a class, start a workout, begin a project, plan out an improvement to the trait you don’t like about yourself and do something for you.  Don’t worry about romance, take care of you and all will follow.

6) There is no such thing as a pretty, pretty princess.

If you are waiting for a man to save you, not only are you wasting time you could be saving yourself. Negative personalities, emotional vampires, assholes, whatever you want to call them have a knack for being able to hone in on people with confidence and emotional issues with the intention of exploiting them. It’s better to be single and working  for a healthier and happier you than to be in a relationship with such toxic people.



{November 11, 2012}   Why you are still a single man…

I am weary of seeing and experiencing certain problems and issues that men around me have been struggling with. I feel compelled to point out some of these problems and offer possible solutions to aid in improving these matters. And while I have been accused of being harsh sometimes, well, it’s because I care about your feelings guys. Yes. I care about your feelings. Please go dig them out of the closet and see if the warranty is still valid because they deserved to be used.

 

1) If you are in the friend zone, and you don’t want to be there then stop being her best friend.

Yes, I said it. Don’t move in with her and be her “bestest roomie”. Don’t be the on call shoulder that 24-7  answers with ice cream and a hug. Don’t always be the DD who promises not to let her leave with someone that holds her hair all night because she drank too much tequila.

I understand this can seem like a bit of exaggeration, but it is very easy for a guy who is really that close of a friend to be loved as a brother and not a partner. Stay friendly yes, be there yes, but within bounds of reason. The best bet would be to just ask her if she ever considered you as possibly more than friends. Then you can begin a conversation to help explore that.

 

2) Don’t ever lie to her, especially a lie of omission.

If she asks if you mind something and you honestly do, then say so!  If she asks if you like her and you do, then say so! I understand that you can be afraid of ruining your friendship, but a lie will always hurt a friendship. Either the pressure will build in you or she may be hurt later that you couldn’t tell her.

 

3) If you don’t tell her directly and clearly, then she doesn’t know.

It’s annoying as hell when girls drop those cryptic hints about what they want. It is just as annoying when guys do it too. If you are too scared to say something at the beginning of a hopeful romantic relationship and what is presumable a healthy friendship, then this isn’t a very strong precedent to set for the rest of your interaction. If you cannot talk to her with full freedom, respect, and safety, then your relationship doesn’t have the chance to be the dreamland you want it to be.

 

4) No guts; no glory.

There are 7 billion people on this world, with women outnumbering men by higher margins every day. If you don’t ask her out, someone else will. If you don’t follow through on the commitments your relationship is progressing to, someone else will. At least try to build a chance with her before someone else does.

And if you get shot down, the same logic applies. There are more women out there. And people will notice how you pursued the first one. Girls talk. If you have a reputation of handling rejection with class and confidence, that is seen as a sign of quality. No one likes a sore loser. And if you are emotional and whine, mope, or get angry that girl as well as all the others around you are watching you regardless if you realize it or not. No one is going to feel like they’ve missed out in a situation like that.

 

5) Stop picking incompatible people!

If you want a religious person, you’ll have more luck at your local house of worship than a nightclub. If you want a compassionate and caring person, you’re probably not going to have good luck at a dog fight. Now there are always exceptions, but that is exactly what they are: the one in a million exception. I’m sure you can find one bear in the city, but it would be a lot easier and have better variety if you go looking in the woods.

Don’t complain how the person you’re into isn’t how you want them to be when they aren’t into what you are. If you are a person who doesn’t want children and only wants to travel don’t try to build a relationship with the small town girl who wants five kids and doesn’t want to move. Don’t start something you can’t finish. Don’t ever expect people to change. EVER.

 

6) Get dating advice from reliable sources.

Lesbians are actually very good guides on how to talk to women. Happily married men of a similar or compatible generation are good. Your little sister/cousin/family member could be good. I stress family because you never know if that friend-that-might-as-well-be-family may have a crush on you. But if you know that’s clear, then ask them. And of course, you can always ask me. I will do what I can to help you out.

 

And in closing, I think I will leave you with the best pick up line ever!

“Hi, my name is _______. What’s your name?”



{November 11, 2012}   What a Woman Wants?

I  am by far, not the most feminine girl. In fact, I am very odd in my expressions of femininity  But when it comes to romance, I find myself very odd and out of place with both genders. However, being outside of this range also lets me see romance different and hopefully more constructively.

One issue I am having is with these silly lists one can find in a vastly forwarded email or posted in some forum of how to be the perfect man. We’ve all seen at least one and I am here to say that these are pathetic ways to attract or hold a woman. Doing these items are more likely to end in tears and restraining orders than actual fulfilling moments in a relationship.

Allow me to demonstrate:

 

1) When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

  • If I am mad and walking away, it is because I am so upset I have passed rational thinking and need to calm down. If a girl is that emotional she needs to walk away, chances are this is your chance to take a breather and calm it down. Maybe it’s best for her to walk away. Maybe it’s best for you to let her go. But take the time to calm down and figure that out.

2) When she stares at your mouth, kiss her!

  • Did you ever consider you have something in your teeth?

3) When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don’t let her go.

  • NO! When a woman hits you, pushes you, swings on you in any way that is domestic abuse and you do not deserve to be treated like that! Get away from her and call the cops. Abuse is never the way to handle anger or frustration.

4) When she cusses at you, don’t cuss back and make her feel worse, just deal with it for the time being.

  • NO! Verbal abuse does not ever need to be “dealt with”.

5) When she’s quiet, ask her what’s wrong.

  • Why must something be wrong?

6) When she ignores you, give her your attention.

  • Why give attention to someone’s who ignoring you? Tell her that when she’s ready to talk you’ll be there, then get back to your life. That’s not worth it.

7) When she pulls away, pull her back.

  • No, let her go. Just let her go. You don’t want her to have problems with her accusing you with something wrong. Let her go.

8) When you see her at her worse, tell her she’s beautiful.

  • Guys, this is a set up. If you tell her she’s beautiful and she believes you-there’s a change that she’s keep looking like a slob because she thinks you like it. Then when her girlfriends tell her that you’re full of crap and she’s letting herself go then you’ll be blamed.
  • Another problem with telling her she’s beautiful is she just might get even more emo on you because she knows you’re just telling her to try and make her feel better and you don’t mean it.

Here is the proper solution, why does she look her worst? Did she fall in mud? Is it a bad bridesmaid’s dress? Is she in the hospital? Did her cat just die? Based on the reason for her looking bad depends on your reaction. None of which means layering a compliment. Better to ask her how she’s feeling and be supportive there then tell her she’s beautiful.

9) When you see her crying, just hold her and don’t say a word.

  • This is half true. When your girl is crying and you’re not sure how to handle it, go sit beside her and gently stroke her hair or touch her hand. If she wants you there, most likely she will move to hold you, give you some reassurance back, talk to you, or something productive. If she doesn’t want you, she’ll say “Not now” or gently move your hand. That’s fine, just tell her when she’s ready you guys can talk and go about your business.

10) When you see her walking, sneak up behind her and hug her waist from behind.

  • If this was done to me, you’d get a hit to the balls. So before you do something like this, make sure first that it’s your girl and not a random stranger and second that she would actually find this cute.

11) When she is scared, protect her.

  • I recommend a Hello Kitty nightlight.

12) When she steals your favorite shirt, let her keep it ans sleep in it for the night.

  • I highly doubt if you took something of hers, especially clothing, it would be called romantic or cute. Girls need to ask. If a guy doesn’t care, so be it. But I find this awkward.

13) When she doesn’t answer for a really long time, reassure her that everything is going to be fine.

  • Or that just means the call was dropped. Never make a promise that you can’t keep. All you can do is tell her your best options at the moment. No one ever knows if it’s going to be fine or not.

14) When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up.

  • Or she can stand by you like you stand by her. Depending on what is being called to doubt and the context before hand, what’s the point? If you’re in a relationship with this person, you should be safe to express doubts with each other and communicate a plan to work with this.

15) When she says she likes you, she really does far more than you can understand.

  • Meh, no. And again no. Take her words for what they are. Do not assume. If you’re uncertain, just ask. There is no problems with that. And if there is a problem with that, then your relationship needs a communication overhaul.

16) When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

  • Unless it’s terrorist activities or something else that is pretty dangerous, then I thought this was a given?

17) When she misses you, she’s hurting inside.

  • This sounds like the girl this list keeps describing has dependency issues and major emotional insecurities. It’s okay to miss someone. But unless they are dead, it shouldn’t cause hurt or pain.

18) When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

  • Meh, I don’t like how people think that. You can heal from heartache. Men feel heartache too. But this fatalist attitude isn’t healthy and will hurt far more than it will help.

19) When she says it’s over, she still wants you.

  • No, no and again no. I don’t care if this is true. If you are not emotionally responsible to communicate what you need, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship.How are you supposed to trust men at their word if you don’t even say what you mean?

 

 

And what did we learn here? Communication is the key to building a great relationship. And if you are afraid of talking, well, you need to work on that, both as a couple and an individual. There are not ways around it. And if you or your partner has some sort of emotional or mental issue, then by all means work out a plan together so that both of you can support each other and build each other up.

And the first step to that? Throw out these silly lists and have some quality time!



et cetera