Falling through the Looking Glass

{November 14, 2012}   Why you are still a single woman…

There are some significant differences in being a single man compared to being a single woman.  I don’t always understand women, even though I am one. But I do find women also have certain social habits that can be either a negative or a  positive in building healthy relationships.

1) You can’t change him. Don’t try.

This is very disrespectful. It’s very hurtful to have someone tell you they accepted everything about you but…  No one should change unless they feel compelled to change for themselves. And the best changes are the ones done for the individual. For example, if you want your partner to be more confident, unless they feel they should be more confident or express their confidence in a way that pleases them, then it will be harder for them to maintain their change. You should never expect anyone to change. It’s unfair and it’s cheating both of you.

2) Avoid double standards or accidental hypocrisy.

It’s not fair to be upset if your partner does something that annoys you when you do that action yourself. I know this is hard to accomplish, especially in emotional or mental matters. But it’s very difficult to engage with someone and ask things of them when you are not willing or capable of meeting those requests in yourself. Most of this is not done on purpose, but if you really want to help your partner understand your needs or work on their concerns, if you work on something they need, then you two can build something together that is more worthwhile and important.


This is very much in tune with the post I made for single men. If you haven’t explicitly told them, assume they don’t know. Are you making yourself clear? Do they understand what you mean by certain things? No hint dropping! Just talk. If you’re not sure if you’re going to come off right, just preface the discussion with how you’re still trying to figure out how to word your emotions and you would like their help working through it. Again, if you want the communication to have absolute security, then you have to be willing to accept what they say with the same compassion and empathy they are trying to accept yours.

5) Complaining how no one likes you makes no one like you.

Make a list of what you want in an ideal partner. Confidence? Sense of humor? Intelligence? Physique? Doesn’t really matter what qualities, but as long as they are multifaceted. Now, do you have these qualities in yourself?

If you embody the qualities you want in a partner, not only will it help you be a stronger individual, quality attracts quality. It gives you credibility and a good foundation in how you can and want to set your standards. It will also help you build your perspective to properly identify these qualities in potential partners and avoid more fraudulent personalities. In pursuing these qualities, you are more likely to be in more feasible situations and crowd to meet people more in tune with your goals.

If you think you are too fat, too poor, too stupid, too whatever for a relationship don’t cry in ice cream. Go do something for yourself. Attend a class, start a workout, begin a project, plan out an improvement to the trait you don’t like about yourself and do something for you.  Don’t worry about romance, take care of you and all will follow.

6) There is no such thing as a pretty, pretty princess.

If you are waiting for a man to save you, not only are you wasting time you could be saving yourself. Negative personalities, emotional vampires, assholes, whatever you want to call them have a knack for being able to hone in on people with confidence and emotional issues with the intention of exploiting them. It’s better to be single and working  for a healthier and happier you than to be in a relationship with such toxic people.


You have hit it on the head.
I have to agree, that sometimes it’s better to be single than to be in a toxic relationship, especially when the toxicity is coming from you, not him…
~ Abbie

what a great post! thanks very much for sharing it with us…

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