Falling through the Looking Glass

{November 11, 2012}   What a Woman Wants?

I  am by far, not the most feminine girl. In fact, I am very odd in my expressions of femininity  But when it comes to romance, I find myself very odd and out of place with both genders. However, being outside of this range also lets me see romance different and hopefully more constructively.

One issue I am having is with these silly lists one can find in a vastly forwarded email or posted in some forum of how to be the perfect man. We’ve all seen at least one and I am here to say that these are pathetic ways to attract or hold a woman. Doing these items are more likely to end in tears and restraining orders than actual fulfilling moments in a relationship.

Allow me to demonstrate:


1) When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

  • If I am mad and walking away, it is because I am so upset I have passed rational thinking and need to calm down. If a girl is that emotional she needs to walk away, chances are this is your chance to take a breather and calm it down. Maybe it’s best for her to walk away. Maybe it’s best for you to let her go. But take the time to calm down and figure that out.

2) When she stares at your mouth, kiss her!

  • Did you ever consider you have something in your teeth?

3) When she pushes you or hits you, grab her and don’t let her go.

  • NO! When a woman hits you, pushes you, swings on you in any way that is domestic abuse and you do not deserve to be treated like that! Get away from her and call the cops. Abuse is never the way to handle anger or frustration.

4) When she cusses at you, don’t cuss back and make her feel worse, just deal with it for the time being.

  • NO! Verbal abuse does not ever need to be “dealt with”.

5) When she’s quiet, ask her what’s wrong.

  • Why must something be wrong?

6) When she ignores you, give her your attention.

  • Why give attention to someone’s who ignoring you? Tell her that when she’s ready to talk you’ll be there, then get back to your life. That’s not worth it.

7) When she pulls away, pull her back.

  • No, let her go. Just let her go. You don’t want her to have problems with her accusing you with something wrong. Let her go.

8) When you see her at her worse, tell her she’s beautiful.

  • Guys, this is a set up. If you tell her she’s beautiful and she believes you-there’s a change that she’s keep looking like a slob because she thinks you like it. Then when her girlfriends tell her that you’re full of crap and she’s letting herself go then you’ll be blamed.
  • Another problem with telling her she’s beautiful is she just might get even more emo on you because she knows you’re just telling her to try and make her feel better and you don’t mean it.

Here is the proper solution, why does she look her worst? Did she fall in mud? Is it a bad bridesmaid’s dress? Is she in the hospital? Did her cat just die? Based on the reason for her looking bad depends on your reaction. None of which means layering a compliment. Better to ask her how she’s feeling and be supportive there then tell her she’s beautiful.

9) When you see her crying, just hold her and don’t say a word.

  • This is half true. When your girl is crying and you’re not sure how to handle it, go sit beside her and gently stroke her hair or touch her hand. If she wants you there, most likely she will move to hold you, give you some reassurance back, talk to you, or something productive. If she doesn’t want you, she’ll say “Not now” or gently move your hand. That’s fine, just tell her when she’s ready you guys can talk and go about your business.

10) When you see her walking, sneak up behind her and hug her waist from behind.

  • If this was done to me, you’d get a hit to the balls. So before you do something like this, make sure first that it’s your girl and not a random stranger and second that she would actually find this cute.

11) When she is scared, protect her.

  • I recommend a Hello Kitty nightlight.

12) When she steals your favorite shirt, let her keep it ans sleep in it for the night.

  • I highly doubt if you took something of hers, especially clothing, it would be called romantic or cute. Girls need to ask. If a guy doesn’t care, so be it. But I find this awkward.

13) When she doesn’t answer for a really long time, reassure her that everything is going to be fine.

  • Or that just means the call was dropped. Never make a promise that you can’t keep. All you can do is tell her your best options at the moment. No one ever knows if it’s going to be fine or not.

14) When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up.

  • Or she can stand by you like you stand by her. Depending on what is being called to doubt and the context before hand, what’s the point? If you’re in a relationship with this person, you should be safe to express doubts with each other and communicate a plan to work with this.

15) When she says she likes you, she really does far more than you can understand.

  • Meh, no. And again no. Take her words for what they are. Do not assume. If you’re uncertain, just ask. There is no problems with that. And if there is a problem with that, then your relationship needs a communication overhaul.

16) When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

  • Unless it’s terrorist activities or something else that is pretty dangerous, then I thought this was a given?

17) When she misses you, she’s hurting inside.

  • This sounds like the girl this list keeps describing has dependency issues and major emotional insecurities. It’s okay to miss someone. But unless they are dead, it shouldn’t cause hurt or pain.

18) When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.

  • Meh, I don’t like how people think that. You can heal from heartache. Men feel heartache too. But this fatalist attitude isn’t healthy and will hurt far more than it will help.

19) When she says it’s over, she still wants you.

  • No, no and again no. I don’t care if this is true. If you are not emotionally responsible to communicate what you need, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship.How are you supposed to trust men at their word if you don’t even say what you mean?



And what did we learn here? Communication is the key to building a great relationship. And if you are afraid of talking, well, you need to work on that, both as a couple and an individual. There are not ways around it. And if you or your partner has some sort of emotional or mental issue, then by all means work out a plan together so that both of you can support each other and build each other up.

And the first step to that? Throw out these silly lists and have some quality time!


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